How to Get Out of an Abusive Relationship
1 in 3 women and 1 in 4 men have experienced abuse from their partners. Read that again. Relationship abuse, whether physical or emotional, is draining and the abuse will probably continue. Your abuser has you trapped under their spell and they need to be held accountable for their actions. Emotional abuse can tear down your self-esteem and make you feel hopeless. No one deserves to be treated in that way, no matter how much you may think you love that person. You do not deserve to keep blaming yourself for their actions. Hoping your partner will change? Afraid of their reaction? Get out of their trap. You deserve respect, safety, and a happy life.
Signs That Your Abuser is Not Going to Change and You Are Being Gaslit:
They tell you they will not do it again
They say you owe them another chance
They blame other things for their abusive actions
You must stay and help them
They say their actions are “normal”
They are just stressed and need to take it out on something
They pressure you into things you do not want to do
They say you are the reason for their abusive actions
It is not your responsibility to fix your partner, and staying by their side is only continuing the abuse. It is important that you realize if the abuse keeps happening, there is no sticking it out. They are most likely gaslighting you into making you feel like you are the problem. You CAN escape their cycle and find safety and happiness again. Do not fear how others will react, worry about finding your freedom again.
No matter how much pain this person has caused you, there will be a sense of grief when leaving them. Keep a journal and write about your experiences to go back on when you are questioning your plan to leave. Remind yourself you do not want to experience the pain they are causing you ever again.
How to Get Out
You do not want to tell your partner you are going to file a restraining order or you are moving out. This could lead to a huge blow out and likely end badly. What you want to do is keep everything secret. This can mean using public researching tools instead of personal technology. Talk to friends or family about whether you can borrow their technology or stay at their home.
Erase your digital footprint by turning off tracking and clearing your histories. Find someone else you trust and give them your important documents. Have a code word for either a friend, family, or neighbor to tell them when you are in danger. Figure out where you will stay whether that is a friend or family's house, or a domestic violence shelter and leave at a safe time. File a restraining order for the time being to keep yourself safe, and eventually the court can issue a permanent restraining order. Do not engage in any contact that your partner will try and make with you. If the abuser finds you, call 911 and tell them you have a restraining order on file and they will come immediately.
Your Next Steps
You will want to look into getting an attorney and a therapist. The attorney can help you file a restraining order as well as keep you educated about your rights. A therapist can help you understand your experience and validate your feelings. You are never alone and there is always someone waiting to help. Take back your life and freedom. To find support and more resources go to the National Domestic Violence Hotline site or call 1-800-799-SAFE.
