Why Do People Gaslight Others?
What is gaslighting? It’s a form of emotional abuse, wherein the abuser makes the person being abused doubt themselves and their own perception of reality, emotional handling of something, or memory. With that definition in mind, you might note that this has happened to you or someone you know, and you might ask yourself, “Why would anyone ever do that to someone?”
For each abuser, the reason might be different or the motivations might not fit into the same molded origins. However, the most likely and most common reason is that gaslighting is a way of gaining power or control over the abused. The causation might be varied, but it usually stems from the control that might be linked to narcissism, antisocial personality disorders, or other similar disorders.
The general reaction to being gaslit can make you wary to criticize the abuser in the situation for fear of causing aggression. That can cause further self-distrust, which often leads to the abused relying on the abuser to verify things that further the abuser's control of the situation. If the abuser is an egoist, the more they gaslight and the more control they’re given, the more they’re going to continue the cycle of abuse.
The cycle of abuse can cause feelings of shame, regret (leading to being apologetic), and confusion. This can lead to the abuser pulling the person being gaslit away from friends and family who begin to notice the abuse. It’s a strategy of making the abused person dependent. If they see that they’re starting to lose hold, the abuser may end up leaving for someone else to start the cycle all over again.
So while the specifics behind the reasons may vary from person to person, the goal is almost always the same in that gaslighting is about control and power positioning. To take freedom and stability away from the abused is the basis of gaslighting.
If you’re interested in learning more about gaslighting or donating to victims' services, “The Gaslit” was started with a mission to reframe how our society views abuse and psychological manipulation and is a great place to start!
